I have wanted to talk about this since early 2016, when I was still looking for the love of my life, and was enrolled with the top 4 matrimony sites, namely, Shaadi.com, Jeevansathi.com, Bharatmatrimony.com, and SimplyMarry.com
Over the course of time I spent on these sites, I came to see certain patterns on these websites, which depict the hypocrisy of the Indian mindset, when it comes to parents' and young people's expectations - from the point of raising a child to the point of finding a match for them.
It is rational to look for the best possible match one can find for oneself, when you only get to decide once. While it may feel ruthless to others, it is not wrong on the part of the candidate or their parents. What is wrong, however is the way they judge people.
The average income of Indians is Rs.9000, which means roughly half the country would be making less than this figure. About 25% of the country lives below poverty line, so we can talk about the other 75% for matchmaking, when talking of the middle class and above. Roughly 65-70% of the country's population can be counted in this category, although even among the middle class, there is an upper middle class and a lower middle class.
Now I am not saying that a person earning 9000 Rupees can fulfill the needs of a spouse coming from an upper middle class, but someone making more than 20,000 Rupees definitely can manage, given both are careful with money. 20,000 Rupees is well above what an average male candidate in his early/mid twenties earns in India. It should be enough to make him a credible candidate for a bride/bride's parents, right? Wrong. If you make 20-odd thousand at the age of 24/25/26, you are among the lakhs of young boys, struggling with the regular stuff in life, and not good enough to get a highly educated woman as your life partner, according to the profiles set up, and then according to the answers you will receive from her parents.
Flipping the coin, if you are a well educated girl, but from a modest family, your parents want a boy that makes in the range of 40-50k a month, comes from a well to do family, and does not have huge demands. Funny as it is, that guy making 20-22k does not have big demands! But these people will do their best to ignore the regular guy with the regular job, and look for the diamond in the rough(and only money wise), just so they can boast about it. Nobody wants to take into account that a regular guy will be humble and more caring towards his spouse, than the prized peacock.
This makes day to day life a lot more easier than an inter-caste marriage. But members of some communities take make their search really narrow, and this can mean a longer wait or a limited choice of candidates. Furthermore, the purpose of this narrow search criteria gets defeated in today's scenario, when talking about young people in today's urban middle class.
It is extremely hard to differentiate between a Maithil Brahmin and a Tyagi Brahmin boy/girl, because, if raised in an urban environment, their only point of reference to their community's ways are their families. If, after marriage, the couple lives separate from the in-laws, as is mostly the case, they would rarely if ever, bother about splitting hair over whose customs to follow, and even when both are from the same community, their families may be following the customs differently, if they are from different regions.
Over the course of time I spent on these sites, I came to see certain patterns on these websites, which depict the hypocrisy of the Indian mindset, when it comes to parents' and young people's expectations - from the point of raising a child to the point of finding a match for them.
It is rational to look for the best possible match one can find for oneself, when you only get to decide once. While it may feel ruthless to others, it is not wrong on the part of the candidate or their parents. What is wrong, however is the way they judge people.
Wanted - Rich Groom Only
The first and foremost mistake parents, and sometimes candidates themselves make is to match by income/economic status in a very narrow set of parameters.The average income of Indians is Rs.9000, which means roughly half the country would be making less than this figure. About 25% of the country lives below poverty line, so we can talk about the other 75% for matchmaking, when talking of the middle class and above. Roughly 65-70% of the country's population can be counted in this category, although even among the middle class, there is an upper middle class and a lower middle class.
Now I am not saying that a person earning 9000 Rupees can fulfill the needs of a spouse coming from an upper middle class, but someone making more than 20,000 Rupees definitely can manage, given both are careful with money. 20,000 Rupees is well above what an average male candidate in his early/mid twenties earns in India. It should be enough to make him a credible candidate for a bride/bride's parents, right? Wrong. If you make 20-odd thousand at the age of 24/25/26, you are among the lakhs of young boys, struggling with the regular stuff in life, and not good enough to get a highly educated woman as your life partner, according to the profiles set up, and then according to the answers you will receive from her parents.
Flipping the coin, if you are a well educated girl, but from a modest family, your parents want a boy that makes in the range of 40-50k a month, comes from a well to do family, and does not have huge demands. Funny as it is, that guy making 20-22k does not have big demands! But these people will do their best to ignore the regular guy with the regular job, and look for the diamond in the rough(and only money wise), just so they can boast about it. Nobody wants to take into account that a regular guy will be humble and more caring towards his spouse, than the prized peacock.
Caste Wise
Caste is a 200 year old phenomenon among Hindus, and oddly enough, not many people know this! It is understandable when people want someone from there own community as their life partner, as being raised in the same culture means both spouses have similar if not the same values.This makes day to day life a lot more easier than an inter-caste marriage. But members of some communities take make their search really narrow, and this can mean a longer wait or a limited choice of candidates. Furthermore, the purpose of this narrow search criteria gets defeated in today's scenario, when talking about young people in today's urban middle class.
It is extremely hard to differentiate between a Maithil Brahmin and a Tyagi Brahmin boy/girl, because, if raised in an urban environment, their only point of reference to their community's ways are their families. If, after marriage, the couple lives separate from the in-laws, as is mostly the case, they would rarely if ever, bother about splitting hair over whose customs to follow, and even when both are from the same community, their families may be following the customs differently, if they are from different regions.
