Baby Steps towards Marriage

I want to right a detailed piece especially on this beautiful experience, that has, fairly recently, changed my life completely, and for the better.

Step 1: lone ranger: young, single, getting frustrated with life

I lost my first family back in 2001, in the Bhuj earthquake. Since then, I grew up in a boys hostel during my school days, and then lived by myself on rent till may 2013. As permanent accommodation was arranged for me by my guardian, I moved to my current 2- bedroom arrangement.

In these 15-odd years, I kept looking for one person to share myself with, but failed miserably. The mismatch between my requirement and what was offered was always too vast. 

By 2013 , I was starting to lose patience, and decided to build a marriage profile on major matrimonial sites.

It was more of a study to understand the mass psyche of the people that visited the sites in general, and I just wanted to understand what was expected of me.

The study gave me useful information, based on which I made plenty of changes to my way of life.

However, despite working as best as I could, it was becoming a futile attempt when it came to actually finding someone I would like, as the candidates I liked had different expectations.

By may 2016, it was almost time to shut it all down.

I was out of my sales job already, and life seemed to be at the tipping point between order and insanity.

Part 2: A new chapter in life.

At this point, I wanted to refresh myself from the drudgery I had been through. I started to give interviews, but something was missing, so I left town to see an old friend for a few days, and when I came back, I was ready to get rid of my matrimonial profiles and look for another job.

I had a certain idea at this point that I would get married by 30 or so, at the point when I would have completely resolved my liabilities.

Or maybe, I will leave everything behind, raise a little food stall somewhere, and not worry about the world anymore. Or perhaps learn more survival skills and go live in the jungle.

I was sure that I am done telling myself that I could find someone who understands me very well, and loves me, asking only for love in return. These are fairy tales that don't happen in real world, and I was too deeply hurt by everyone I had love to the point of making real sacrifices for them.

On the very last day that I was about to delete my Shaadi.com profile, I got acceptance from the one profile that I had reserved amongst 3 final candidates.

All of a sudden, there was hope. It could work, life may have a meaning,after all.

I was pondering on how to get in touch and interact with the family, when I received a call from my future father-in-law, inviting me to see him when I had the time.

Things started to make progress from there. After I met him, I brought the matter to my family, so that we can follow tradition as required in these matters.

I didn't know yet if they will go for this girl or not, but had made the resolve to push hard for her. I made the strongest possible case I could for her in front of my guardians - my elder uncle and my grandfather. I still have no idea what went on between them, but they reluctantly accepted the proposal. In July they invited my future father-in-law to my uncle's house in Faridabad for a first face to face.

Bastille, breached

One day you are a child, with worries only concerning the game with your best friend, and homework, and the next prank to play with your younger sibling, and the very next day, you are no longer that boy.
The world you lived in has ended, hell has dawned upon earth, and imprisoned you with solitude that seems nothing short of eternal. This beside the debris that surrounds you, with the whisper of silence that descends just after the calamity has descended. Concrete suffocating your breath, and the dirt suffocating your vision, you think its all going to be over soon. A song comes to your mind, reminding of the momentary nature of life, befitting the situation with perfection.
But the end is not nigh - the dirt clears, taking away the sense of final settlement, and setting in panic. You begin to cry, because now there is the fear of the unknown. You are still alive, and you don't yet know in what condition. You start taking inventory. The left half of your body is numb. No extravagant pain, means no broken bones. Your right hand is free to move a little, just enough to clear the debris that is choking you.
You clear the debris, one handful at a time. Also, now that there is a little room, you notice the crack in the concrete right above your head. There isn't much you can do, but wait. Wait for the situation to simply deteriorate to the point you lose consciousness.
As that point approaches, you hear voices - a set of resolute men in uniform are here to the rescue. You figure out who they are, as your father was one among them.
They are close, close enough to hear you, looking for survivors. That is what you are now - the survivor. A great little warrior that beat the odds to the world, the severed limb of a dead body to yourself.
As you shout at the top of your lungs, the rescue squad hears you, and locates you with the help of your directions. They quickly figure out the rescue plan, and take you out of the debris.
To the world, a boy of 11 years, to yourself an old man that begs the creator to free him. No one acknowledges what you go through every day, it is not their pain to bear. You are now a bicentennial trapped in solitude, and the body of a child.

The world is your prison. Solitude its walls. The people that understood you, made you happy and were happy for you, are now gone. The world tries to pull a charade in front of your eyes, every single day, and your insides turn because of it.
Slowly, you come to terms with how things are, you learn to simply live with the pain. Every time you try to share it with someone, it is a sure shot failure. They are but children. You are an old man in a young body.
Time and solitude take their toll over the years, twisting your logic, perception, and altering your course towards physical and financial suffering. Nothing helps, as you are now numb to everything outside, except a few bitter things. The truth still hurts, sometimes. Mostly not.
As an adult, you finally give up in despair, and silence yourself to the world. All attempts to break out of the prison of solitude have failed so far. To open your mind to anyone is to bring them to the mad jungle now.
You are a simple man, and then, you are a weapon in disguise. At the end of every day, there is an urge to end the world with your rage. You have, by now, become so paranoid, that you trust no one completely. The only thing you trust is game theory - anyone who has a motive to hurt you is a potential threat.
You are now an adult in mid twenties, with no friends and family, and a man who quit intoxicating substances, because they don't take care of your unending pain. You take irrational liabilities, simply to have a mission to struggle for.

Then, simply out of curiosity, you sign up to look for a compatible partner. At the core of your heart, its a futile exercise, and you have no idea how to handle it. But you go for it nonetheless, just for the heck of it. The same routine goes on. The night job. Running away from the things you love.

You do it for a couple of years, by which time you have come to a stage above desperation. You accept your inner madness, and bear it with pride. No one dares to argue with you, as you spare nothing to hurt people. You are now a committed A***ole.

You finally decide to shut down the silly charade of looking for a partner. But the universe has other plans. You term is about to end.

On the final day, when you are about to shut it all down, you see her, and it dawns upon you - this is the one. The key to your cell. Redemption.

It reminds me of Bastille, the French prison that was breached by the revolutionaries at the very point of desperation, become the metaphor of liberation of principle, and of the human spirit.

Above everything, the human spirit looks for someone to share its hopes, joys and aspirations, and at the same time, its sorrows, regrets and despairs. It looks its mate as we look for the one to grow old with.

And all who understand this, deserve to be freed of their Bastille.

What I have done lately

Hi guys,

It has been a few months since I did my YouTube intro, and a lot has happened since then.

Just updating the major events to put things in perspective. So, here it goes:

After I was chucked out unceremoniously from my previous company without proper reason, I just let go for a while, and that's where I did the video intro.

Then I went to Baroda to meet an old friend. Just a short while after I returned, my mamaji came to join me for a crash course in animation and video editing, but ended up collecting content from the internet for research and development of content for his school.

I was still looking for a job back then. I ran about for a while, then finally got into British Telecom on June 27th. The first phase of my training has just finished, and the batch is about to hit the floor.

I also recently found my soulmate, and we are in the process of fixing the dates for our marriage.

The raw serum of a story which I was nursing is now taking the shape of a series, to be aired on either YouTube, or DD network, or both. Shooting expected to begin in 2017 summer.

For Chhavi, the fabricator is on board, and work on business development is being initiated.

Still struggling to get a studio established for RGBmill, but hopefully that will also happen in the next year.

It's a struggle, juggling between all these things, and a lot gets left behind, but I will try to keep up.

Hope the remaining part of the year does improve the quality of my life. Enough of disappointments.

Welcome to my Youtube Channel!

I have just begun work on building my personal channel to practice my skills on camera, editing and post processing, and the results don't look bad so far.



I really need to work on exactly what I capture on visual, because right now, I am obsessed with studio, but natural with candid shots.



Will be making better planned videos in the future, and do more regular uploading. Would be really happy if people subscribe!

Captain America, youth and the inevitable passage of time

I went to watch Captain America: Civil War, technically yesterday, May 07, 2016.

It is a very well made film with a complex and difficult plot line, in which the Avengers, now no longer working under S.H.I.E.L.D, is being held accountable for the catastrophes in the last 4 years - the Alien Invasion of New York, The unveiling of Hydra at Washington D.C., the Sokovia Disaster, and the Bombing at Lagos, Nigeria.
Looking at these events, a large majority of the world's governments consider the Avengers a threat, and want to bring them under UN command. This proposal gets them divided, as Tony Stark, being the businessman, understands how statute and government procedure works, while Capt. America believes in the original reason for the founding of this team, which is to provide quick reaction in extremely dangerous conditions to protect the world from falling into chaos.

One of the things that struck me was the part where Capt. Steve Rogers, a.k.a. Captain America goes to attend the funeral of his late girlfriend Margaret 'Peggy' Carter, and then his little tryst with her niece.

It reminded me how easy it is to forget about the passage of time in youth. We often feel a certain sense of endlessness, very much like immortality in our youth. Indeed, it is easy to miss how it flies away, and those that are left behind in their younger state while the world around them changes at breakneck speeds, they still become obsolete and out of context. There isn't much choice: get old but stay relevant, or get left behind, and become a living ghost.

As the movie ended and I jogged down the exit stairs, the question was piercing me: am I getting left behind? Am I current enough to be relevant?

I watch the news over the internet, know in depth about current affairs most of the time, have made regular progress in my employee as well as entrepreneurial career, and yet, I am stuck for a breakthrough to the point I expected to have achieved already.
Even though the realization of the need for that one big leap has been there for a while, this feeling of obsolescence gave me a jolt to sort my ongoing projects and plan their schedule more tightly on the chronology.

So here it is, the rough plan for deadlines for current ongoing projects:

1. Website for RGBmill June 15th, 2016

2. Launch for Summer collection 2016 for Cchavi: End of June/First week of July 2016.

3. Cchavi.com online store: July 1, 2016

4. Fashion Conclave: August 10, 2016

5. Ostentation.org: September 1, 2016

6. Final draft for script for Deja Vu: October 1, 2016

7. Countrywide tour for location testing for Deja Vu: October 15 to 22, 2016

8. Shooting for Deja Vu: 17 to 26 March, 2017

Sticking to this schedule, and hopefully, success in the ventures will establish me as a somewhat successful entrepreneur and a minor filmmaker by the end of 2017, which is acceptable expectation from the future, as the most vile of people are no longer being a roadblock between me and the results to my efforts, and I am also getting the company of helpful people.

If my job gets stable, I will be able to take all the above missions, otherwise, another change of jobs,
which is not desirable anymore as of now, as banking will suffer if that happens, which is a very hard thing to go through, what with ECS for loans in the first week of every month.

I hope I stay relevant and age gracefully, the rest is up to destiny.

The fantasies of others, and the woman of my dreams

This is my second post in a row on the subject of relationships/the opposite sex/marriage etc.

Now that a relationship/marriage is finally on the table, the next question that comes around as valid is what kind of woman do I like?

Now if we go by every man's fantasy, most men want a woman with a body that has the features they like the way they like them, a pleasing complexion, a happy, fun nature, shouldn't be intimidating in any way, should be able to do the chores of the house, and if one can get some good head, its a superb bonus.

I, however, am not every man. I am Shivendu Kumar Narayan. To me, this is a whole different level of thought process. Hmmmm.....................

There was a point of time when I did fall in love, with a woman that was mind blowing, to the boy I was then. That was the last time I felt good about being happy. It ended with a breach of my trust in a very cowardly manner, and since then, I never had the courage to trust another woman to that point, and most probably never will.

And yet, I am open to looking for a woman that kindles the light in me again, because I wish with all my heart to be able to shed weakness, and come back to strength. Strength is shown in both statute and generosity.

Being pretty is not enough, being fun is not enough. If a woman thinks she can captivate me with a smile, go home, do your prep, try again sometime. 

When looking for a woman I function as a true Sagittarian Alpha. I look for the one woman that is capable of intimidating others with her wit, while being in beautiful sync with me to the point that she can complete my sentences. She is generally respected, people Like her, but she ranks in the middle section of the popularity charts.

I like a woman I can sit down and have a discussions with on more than what will be for dinner tonight, knows the cultural, political, business and scientific references in the discussion, and can actually give fruitful results from such discussions. On the other hand, I am not bored by a woman that listens but doesn't have much to contribute to the chat.If a girl is receptive and eager to learn through me, I am happy to instruct, given she actually learns. Teaching everything to your girl has its own fun.

The typical cliche' of a pretty girl means her looks are of primary importance to her, and everything else is secondary, loves the most disgusting and cheap daily soaps with watered down content, and is never aware either of international cultural references or of current affairs. This is the woman that is interested in nothing but her own fulfillment, nothing more. A woman not capable of holding her own in the company of grown men.

The moment the narcissistic, material, selfish, predatory, greedy woman knows you are into her all the way, which is very much possible for most men, corrupt and vulnerable as they come, the constant nagging for new things begins. Then come the stupidest, most irrational and laughable arguments on the availability of time for a man.

Stage 1: Honey, we need to go shopping for this/that.

Stage 2: (Went shopping, didn't buy what was planned)Why don't you buy that, I've been telling you about it since eons, but you never listen(when the man has been taking her to buy whatever she asked for all along).

Stage 3:(The man is overburdened by work, needs to concentrate so he can earn a promotion, and so on and so forth)I don't know what happened between us, you never have time for me anymore...

These women are capable of destroying a man's judgement as well as self esteem. If you look like a million bucks and expect me to be impressed by it, you better be a professional at it like a model or a makeup artist or something. Otherwise, work harder at doing something more fruitful.

So, with all that being said, there are 2 concepts here: the woman I want to live with, and the fantasy girl, and for me the two stand poles apart. And yet, just to clarify, I am in no way a sympathizer to feminism. I believe that men and women are equal and different.
The idea that the wonders women create at home are of lesser importance than what men do at their workplaces is a dogma that has been marketed by the evil nexus of media and corporations in the fashion and beauty industry, ironically.

Makeup and fashionable clothing and accessories have been a staple requirement for women through the millenia when they need to go out, and home bound women are less likely to go for fancier products. The more they get out, the more they need to spend on themselves.Under the guise of control of one's own destiny, they are being sold more product, and they can't control it, as they can not shake off the notion of 'appearances are everything'.

  

But the world has changed drastically over the last decade or so. Professional women with sharp skills and discipline can build a career from the comfort of their home, although in India, they are not encouraged very well for anything, 'times are a'changin'..

I hope someday, I will find the woman that completes the sentences I start, but find hard to finish, and soon, as time spreads its wings widest in youth.

Bachelorhood vs relationship

The technically correct title of this post should be Singlehood vs Relationship, though the word singlehood is not a proper word, as Bachelorhood has lost some of its meaning in the 20th and 21st century.

As one gets to the age of 26, the primary question in the middle of every conversation becomes "when are you getting married? "

My answer so far has been "would be married already if I could do it alone. "

As a single male in my mid twenties, all avenues are open to me. But every choice I make will bring a certain commitment, and responsibility.

First, the general upkeep of a single male in the city is easily met if you have a job like mine. You may even have an extra coin to spend on entertaining yourself, or to save for the future.

Second, being on your own means you can do whatever you want, whenever you want. No one will drag you to a boring place, and you don't have to be sorry for disappointing anyone if you don't go somewhere.

Being single also means there is no one to blame for your personal failures, and every decision you take will be yours alone, despite the influencing factors.

On the other hand, if you have a girlfriend/fiancee/wife, it would change things drastically. The chances of you being a goofball will be drastically reduced, if not evaporate, although it will depend entirely on the way your girl likes you.

You will have to think of what her reaction would be to everything you do. Solitude will be hard to find and the freedom to make your own decisions will be lost. 

On the bright side though, you will gain a dual perspective on everything you do, and a safeguard against a lot of things. You will have someone who bargains for you at the supermarket, maybe even cooks and cleans for you. She would be a non-expendable asset that you would take care of under all circumstances, because she gives you a real purpose.

Without that particular person, you are like raw flour, a resource that has not been dedicated to a purpose.

Are we single people headless chicken? are we without direction? We have jobs and careers, but only a member of the clergy or priesthood or the military dedicates their lives in service of their careers. Civilians otherwise have to have something else to do, don't we?

To be single or to find someone to share your life with is not really a question of if but of when. I think when one fully understands what he or she is missing by being on their own, it is time to find a partner. 

The practice of this idea, however has eluded me so far. I have too much work at my hands, and the time needed to fall in love is not available to me anymore. May be things change with my new job, may be they don't. Only time will tell. 

The current state of education in India: On failure, redemption, retrospect and re-evaluation

The most disgusting thing is to go through a CV or marriage profile, written for someone with a Graduate/Postgraduate level qualification, which is full of spelling and grammar mistakes. They say the proof of the pudding is in the eating.

 I say the pudding has been poisoned by a bunch of losers that have brought down the standards of CBSE examination system in the country. If a bunch of losers in there teens could not concentrate hard and study enough to even pass high school with a chosen set of subjects, and feel like they don't deserve to live anymore because of it, I believe they are right.

I failed in Mathematics through and through from class 8th onward, but I had my talents in others subjects. Eventually I chose humanities stream, and did okay.
Yes. I was talented and didn't put too much hard work into it, and that is the reason I got 50% in my 12th boards. Do I blame anyone except myself for it?

There are people who should share the blame, for failing to inspire me, for failing to see that I could do more, but needed a push in a certain way, for not being able to understand what I needed to get there. But the primary blame to my fall and my failures remains mine. I knew what was needed to be done, yet did not rise to the occasion to beat my critics with performance then. Their words didn't mean much, as I knew what I was doing.

Nine years down the line now, having stood my ground through tough times and rising back after every fall, tougher and stronger than before, the only bastion left for me now is to make those who hear my name bow down in respect. And now I am pulling all stops to it.

Getting back to the original point, I started writing this post as a rant against the current state of our educational system. It seems that the current state of education in India, to describe it accurately, has become highly diluted.

People are getting certified, but not taught all the things they should be, based on the course they choose. This is from my personal experience over the years.

After my schooling, I got the excellent opportunity to study animation and VFX at MAAC Kamla Nagar, which later changed the franchise and joined the newly created Frameboxx. Back then, the quality of teachers was so much better in the institute. The teachers used to demo everything, we took practice time in the lab, then went home and practiced some more. The students from that batch had a high success rate, and those who actually followed into the industry are in good places now.

The trainers that taught us are also in even better places. From the global recession of 2009 onward, a drastic negative change has been observed in all industries that has led to layoffs of great hardworking people, and openings for beginners(or noobs in gamer lingo). This phenomenon in particular seems to have affected the education 'industry' as a whole very hard. The lack of talent and initiative in the last few batches is absolutely appalling, but not surprising when I connect the dots.

It is so obvious that the teachers of today and tomorrow are not being trained right, prepared right or inspired right, and this is critically dangerous to the future crops of this country. They are challenged when it comes to teaching techniques, child psychology, communication skills and technology, not to mention in inspiring the right value system in students, as well as understanding their social responsibilities.

The young women that take up teaching as an 'easy job' should absolutely quit and take care of their own households, and forget about this idea at all, or find a simpler thing to do, such as running a shop or a tiffin service.

The first responsibility of every teacher is to be the agent of social change, and to inspire students to be their best selves, to lead by example, and it is a huge burden that is rested upon their shoulders. The second responsibility is to be a medium between the student and the subject.

I messed up in Mathematics in 8th class because I was getting distracted (puberty issues, god forbid), but was completely put off from Mathematics because of the hostility of  the teacher since 9th class. If the teacher was kind, saw that I was facing some difficulty in the subject and had asked me why I and where I was stuck, The story could have been different. I wouldn't go too far on it, but at least I would have been better at that subject.

But instead, that very factor became the fall in my life. I was in a different phase then, still trying to figure out how to work out being an orphan, and cope with being myself. I faced isolation and hostility from both my peers and family members, and could never fully confide in anyone. Childhood was simply horrible for me.

I was lucky to have some really great teachers in other subjects who gave me both a source of inspiration and moral support, and I will be thankful to them to the end of my days.

If I ever do end up being a father, I will make sure my child never has to go through such trauma, and at the same time, I will never make the mistake of depending on the poor system that certifies them. 

The course of recovery

September 20, 2015.

The attempt by Bunty(Sujoy Banerjee) to raise a second boutique in Rajouri Garden main market has failed, and he is under financial constraint. In that order, my funds are depleted, and I am under borderline financial constraint, as I have a personal loan and an auto loan to pay off, and it doesn't leave me with the same options as I used to have before. But I am okay, or so I think. 

I need to make sure I save enough to be able to pay for 2nd semester of my Fashion Design course, but I don't think I am in a pinching situation. I think I will manage.

Today being a Sunday, I think of visiting Bunty to talk and discuss the situation, and try to see if we will have a solution to this situation.

When I reached his home, I find it locked. I try to reach him on my phone.

"Where are you? I came here and found your room locked." I say when he picks up the call.

"I am going to Vrindavan" He says. 

"Without telling anyone before? All of a sudden? What the hell?" I ask him on a high pitch, confused and angry at having had my time wasted.

"Haan yaar, it all just happened suddenly. Had to leave urgently." Bunty replies.

"When will you be back?"

"Not sure at the moment." Saying this he hangs up.

Later in the evening, I get a message from him on WhatsApp:

"Go to the shop and pick up your stuff from there tomorrow."

I ask "Why? Are you going to close the shop? Weren't you planning to do it at the end of month?"

"No idea what will happen next at the moment"

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And that was the last I heard from the man who stood by me when I was brought down to zero. 

He took money from many creditors in the area, and when the debt became too much to bear, he chose to run away. He couldn't have faced the consequences of the model he was operating on, in any case, and would have been indebted for a long time, even with robust finances, which he didn't know how to manage any given day.

The man lent himself to every vice that wise men have advised to refrain from, namely, gambling women, and meat. I ignored it, believing it will not fall on my karma. I was wrong.

Now I am suffering the results of my mistake. I have lost the enterprise because of the lack of proper vigilance, and strict governance in business. I trusted Bunty to make good decisions, as I believed he can carry the burden of ownership. He could neither bear the yoke, nor crack the whip.

I am now alone in this battle, devoid of friends or family to support me in a cause they were already against. But am I going to fall in this battle? Is it going to be my last? Not even likely. I am capably fighting insolvency, and recovering from it, in monthly installments. I put all my income into repaying all that I owe, as quickly as I can.

Today is the 28th of February. I have 3 more installments to pay before I am capable of reorganising business again. Come May 2016, I will start the first phase of the mission to raise my kingdom anew.

Till then, I test and redesign the complete structure for my new business.

What many American presidents have said, time and time again, is an immortal statement that captures my spirit the best.

"I will not stop, I will not rest, I will not fail."

I am an entrepreneur, and we are a very selective breed.

I am Xenon.

Letter to the recruiter

Hi Jasleen,

I am writing to you for a feedback, as the round of interviews that were to be conducted for the position pitched to me have been completed. Do let me know if I have been selected or not.

I went for the interaction as I am looking for an opportunity fitting my search criteria. For the right pay and the right position, I do what I need to do, and commitment is my greatest principle. I believe the opportunity presented to me was worth a shot, and gave it a genuinely honest try. I started off as my own master, but am now am stuck in a system where upgrades don't look lucrative to me. When the job was pitched to me it felt like what I was looking for.

 

The rounds with you and Sachin went fine, but I think your director doesn't approve of me. What eats me out of the whole conversation is the last part, when he said that I have changed too many companies, and he couldn't understand my career vision. If he actually approved of me, I would be happy to work with EduPristine, and most probably can commit for at least 3 years, after understanding the position as he talked about it, and having looked at the JD in your mail. However, I don't feel too hopeful about it at the moment.

That said and done, I would answer the critical question which he wanted an answer for.

What is my career vision or aspiration? I want to be a great filmmaker and entrepreneur in the long run. Till such time as I don't go full-time on my business, I am looking to work with a company which puts me in a position that allows me to use my talents to the fullest, and at the same time guarantees my financial robustness

As I told him as well, I am working to raise a company of my own in my personal time. I have been working on this since 2009, but have understood all basic parameters fairly recently, and am learning and inventing more everyday.

I almost reached launch stage for my women's clothing range around September 2015, but my partner sabotaged me, and I am back to R&D and restructuring, while paying off debts resulting from his financial fraud.

 All of this while doing studies and work, and plan to keep doing so for as long as it takes. Currently the target is set for being fully established and profitable with all production in-house by 2020. Not much, just a 4-floor building in an industrial area with 20-40 staff, on a 80-100 yard plot. I know it is doable if I get the right opportunities and manage them well. 

This was one of those opportunities, and not getting it means the road stays inhospitable as Stalingrad was to the Nazis in '41, as I barely get much sleep after 18 hours of work everyday, 6 days a week, and cannot afford any real social interaction. You cannot imagine what taking this much pressure does psychologically to a man with no real friends and no immediate family. 

I don't know anyone except my immediate superior and teammates at my current job, as I don't waste a single moment in idle chit-chat. I used to command a certain respect from everyone on the production floor, but that seems to have dwindled over time, as I am the last of my recruitment batch

Xenon Enterprises

For being safe in interviews I don't expose this, as it may make the recruiter feel unsafe, and I try to be a simpler candidate when I want the job. To me it seems that opportunity has been lost by me with the last question from him.

I am a self-driven person, and believe in fighting my battles till the end. I was born military; everyday I give to another organisation will be as a special soldier, one the opponent must always fear; and every day I command my own operations will be as a responsible general, one that protects his men well. 

If either the jeopardy of my initial career or my personal ambition upset those screening me for a position I desire, it will definitely be sad, but on my end,I will very much make up for it, however I can. I will halt, I will not rest, and I will not fail.